Ayee

*WRITTEN 3 DAYS AGO*

I have just spent an incredibly frustrating 45 minutes at an internet cafe (in Merida, Mexico) trying to get my memory card burned to CD. I have done this on 6 previous occasions (resulting in 11 CDs) but on this occasion the computers are rejecting my card and the man who owns the store has spent a great deal of time standing over my right shoulder and sighing Äyee¨, and the only thing my vocabulary allows me to do is apologize over and over again, which I am doing.

I hate computers. I have always hated computers, but when I am away the first thing (alright-- tis almost a tie with a source of coke light) I look for in a new place is the internet cafe. I need to know I am connected with the world, and more importantly, with my world.

Considering I am travelling with people, sharing a room and spending half the day in a group, I really am incredibly lonely. Not all the time, or not all the time does it bother me; but when it hits me it is a force to be reckoned with.

The biggest surprise of this trip, in terms of difference from the previous, is that I get homesick now far more powerfully than I used to. I couldn´t tell you why, but whereas on that first long trip it was a good 3 months before the pangs (that´s how it feels, like something reaching deep down between your ribs and pinching) started, this time round it was almost immediate. Not Ï need to go home¨ or even an actual rational desire to return, but strong and recurring. Only to be cured by sitting by myself and looking through the photo album. I have given up trying to justify it, it is what it is, and should be allowed. As long as I don´t let myself forget I will spend the next year at home, going to school and dreaming of travel. I could call it a double edged knife, or I could admit I´m awfully lucky having it both ways...

Another computer has just crashed. Äyee¨indeed.

N.